I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
