so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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