the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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