I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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