I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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