I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
