I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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