By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
