mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
