toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
