I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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