Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
