I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
