I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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