she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
NoShamevember. You game?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Floor bacon is actually really good
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
