I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
