can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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