I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
