She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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