We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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