She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
