her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
