really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
