If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
