On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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