i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
