Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
