omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
