So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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