Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
