Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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