Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
