i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
