i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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