tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
