I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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