Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
