Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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