just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
