remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
