First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
