I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
