I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
