there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
