Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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