I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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