Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
