I think im going to throw up on grandma
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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