It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
