So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
