What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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