at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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